E-text prepared by Jonathan Ingram
and the Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team
(/)
PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Vol. 159.
October 6, 1920.
CHARIVARIA.
"Motorists," says a London magistrate,"cannot go about knocking peopledown and killing them every day."We agree. Once should be enough forthe most grasping pedestrian.
"A Kensington lady," we read, "hasjust engaged a parlourmaid who isonly three feet seven inches in height."The shortage of servants is becomingmost marked.
A play called The ManWho Went to Work isshortly to be produced inthe West End. It soundslike a farce.
A police-sergeant of Ealingis reported to have summonedsix hundred motoristssince March. There issome talk of his being presentedwith the illuminatedaddresses of another threehundred.
All the recent photographsof Sir Eric Geddesshow him with a very broadsmile. "And I know whohe's laughing at," writes arailway traveller.
With reference to the Presscontroversy between Mr.H.G. Wells and Mr. HenryArthur Jones, we understandthat they have decidedto shake hands and beenemies.
"In New Zealand," saysa weekly paper, "there is adaisy which is often mistakenfor a sheep by theshepherds." This is the sortof statement that the Prohibitionistlikes to make anote of.
A statistician informs us that a man'sbody contains enough lime to whitewasha small room. It should bepointed out however that it is illegalfor a wife to break up her husband fordecorative purposes.
The Manchester Communist Partyhave decided to have nothing whateverto do with Parliament. We understandthat the Premier has now decided tosell his St. Bernard dog.
"There are no very rich people in England,"says a gossip-writer. We canonly say we know a club porter whorecently stated that he had a cousinwho knew a miner who ... but wefear it was only gossip.
"It is possible for people to doquite well without a stomach," says aParisian doctor. Judged by the highprices, we know a grocer who seems tothink along the same lines.
Special aeroplanes to carry fish fromHolland to this country are to run inthe winter. The idea of keeping thefish long enough to enable them tocross under their own power has beenabandoned.
An Ashford gardener has grown acabbage which measures twelve feetacross. It is said to be uninhabited.
The Rules of Golf Committee nowsuggest a standard ball for England andAmerica. The question of a standardlong-distance expletive for foozlers isheld over.
A youth charged at a police-court inthe South of London with stealing fivehundred cigars, valued at threepenceeach, admitted that he had smokedtwenty-six of them. We are glad to learnthat no further punishment was ordered.
The Waste Trade World states thatthere is a great demand for rubbish.Editors, however, don't seem to bemoving with the times.
Off Folkestone, a few days ago, atrawler captured a blue-nosed shark.Complaints about the temperature ofthe sea have been very common amongbathers this year.
"No one has yet beensuccessful in filming an actualmurder," states a Pi