SHE STOOPS TO CONQUER


by Oliver Goldsmith



She Stoops To Conquer; Or, The Mistakes Of A Night.

A Comedy.



To Samuel Johnson, LL.D.

Dear Sir,—By inscribing this slight performance to you, I do not mean so much to compliment you as myself. It may do me some honour to inform the public, that I have lived many years in intimacy with you. It may serve the interests of mankind also to inform them, that the greatest wit may be found in a character, without impairing the most unaffected piety.

I have, particularly, reason to thank you for your partiality to this performance. The undertaking a comedy not merely sentimental was very dangerous; and Mr. Colman, who saw this piece in its various stages, always thought it so. However, I ventured to trust it to the public; and, though it was necessarily delayed till late in the season, I have every reason to be grateful.

I am, dear Sir, your most sincere friend and admirer,

OLIVER GOLDSMITH.




Contents

PROLOGUE,

DRAMATIS PERSONAE.

ACT THE FIRST.

ACT THE SECOND.

ACT THE THIRD.

ACT THE FOURTH.

ACT THE FIFTH.






PROLOGUE,

By David Garrick, Esq.

Enter MR. WOODWARD, dressed in black, and holding a handkerchief to his eyes.

     Excuse me, sirs, I pray—I can’t yet speak—     I’m crying now—and have been all the week.     “’Tis not alone this mourning suit,” good masters:     “I’ve that within”—for which there are no plasters!     Pray, would you know the reason why I’m crying?     The Comic Muse, long sick, is now a-dying!     And if she goes, my tears will never stop;     For as a player, I can’t squeeze out one drop:     I am undone, that’s all—shall lose my bread—     I’d rather, but that’s nothing—lose my head.     When the sweet maid is laid upon the bier,     Shuter and I shall be chief mourners here.     To her a mawkish drab of spurious breed,     Who deals in sentimentals, will succeed!     Poor Ned and I are dead to all intents;     We can as soon speak Greek as sentiments!     Both nervous grown, to keep our spirits up.     We now and then take down a hearty cup.     What shall we do?  If Comedy forsake us,     They’ll turn us out, and no one else will take us.     But why can’t I be moral?—Let me try—     My heart thus pressing—fixed my face and eye—     With a sententious look, that nothing means,     (Faces are blocks in sentimental scenes)     Thus I begin: “All is not gold that glitters,     “Pleasure seems sweet, but proves a glass of bitters.     “When Ignorance enters, Folly is at hand:     “Learning is better far than house and land.     “Let not your virtue trip; who trips may stumble,     “And virtue is not virtue, if she tumble.”     I give it up—morals won’t do for me;     To make you laugh, I must p                        
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