[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from
Thrilling Wonder Stories Winter 1946.
Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that
the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]
This is the story of how Joe Squeeb lost his job and got a better one,all because he threw a monkey wrench into the greatest scientificmarvel of the twenty-first century. I know the story because I used tobreak news on the teletype for the B. J. News Agency.
The B. J. News Agency has no ear for euphony, however, so I had toleave them and I'm writing these memoirs while I wait for old B. J. toapologize.
The first release that touched on Joe Squeeb's case was ticked off byme on the master sender. I still got a copy, as follows:
SASSOON SEIZES SOLVER. PROFESSOR CONNOR CLAIMS IN COURT THATCONFISCATION OF BRAIN MACHINE IS ILLEGAL.
I remember I paused a couple of minutes for dramatic effect before Isent out the rest of it:
SCIENTIFIC CIRCLES SEEK SOLACE IN SAFE SILENCE. ODDS 10 TO 1 ONSASSOON. AP.
The AP stands for me, Alfred Pennyfeather, and the B. J. News Agencyalways quotes odds for its customers so they'll know how to write upthe stuff in their papers.
A little while after I sent out the release, old B. J. himself proddedme in the ribs. B. J. is a beetle-browed person with gruff voice and ared face which can wear a very unpleasant expression. Also he has paleblue eyes like chilled marbles.
"Pennyfeather," he says, "cut the comic headlines. Let our customersthink up their own. You just give 'em the story."
"Yessir," I agree. But I don't like that crack about comic headlines.
"And get some dope on the Solver," he growls as he stamps out. "Make itbrief."
Well, our files had plenty on the Solver, since it was a hot news item.They claimed it could answer anything. It was a machine that covered anacre of floor and stood about thirty feet high—all full of wires andrelays and counters. Also there were tanks of stuff that the inventorcalled the bio-chemical conceptors. These tanks were hooked up with amillion fine wires, from one tank to the next, and all tied in withelectronic tubes. It was a sort of super-brain.
The Solver was invented because the human brain is limited to a fewconcepts at one time. Science needed a brain that could juggle a wholebunch of ideas simultaneously. And since the Solver was fed only facts,its multi-brain wasn't cluttered with useless junk.
It had taken months to build it—and a lot of dough. So the scientistsweren't anxious to have it snitched from them by any politician likeSassoon.
I called up Professor Connor, the inventor, and told him who I was.
"I have no comments for the press!" he says tartly. In the visiplate,his beard was thrust forward so pugnaciously that it was all out offocus and I had to peer through the brush in order to see his face.
"Take it easy, Professor." I smiled suavely. "The Press is your bestfriend. If you're getting a dirty deal we will tell the whole worldabout it! Are you going to appeal the court decision?"
"Yes," he says after a pause. "I am!" He strokes his beard so that itclears from the visiplate and I can see a fairly benign looking oldgeezer. "I was only defeated on a technicality today. As inventor andowner of the Solver, my rights are patent."
"How come Sassoon grabbed your gadget, Professor?"
"The Solver is not a gadget!" he snaps. "It's a delicate machine—anddangerous! The man who controls it can solve any riddle, given time.Therefore, it should remain under scientific control. It belongsrightfully to the Science Department."
"Yeah—but how abo