PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
VOL. 1.
SEPTEMBER 25, 1841.
THE HEIR OF APPLEBITE.
CHAPTER V.
SHOWS THAT “THERE’S MANY A SLIP” BETWEENOTHER THINGS BESIDE “THE CUP AND THE LIP.”
The heir of Applebite continued tosquall and thrive, to the infinite delight of his youthful mamma,who was determined that the joyful occasion of his cutting hisfirst tooth should be duly celebrated by an evening party of greatsplendour; and accordingly cards were issued to the followingeffect:—
MR. AND MRS. APPLEBITE
REQUEST THE HONOUR OF
—— ——‘s
COMPANY TO AN EVENING PARTY,
On Thursday, the 12th inst.
Quadrilles. AnAnswer will oblige.
It was the first home-made party that Collumpsion had evergiven; for though during his bachelorhood he had been no niggard ofhis hospitality, yet the confectioner had supplied the edibles, andthe upholsterer arranged the decorations; but now Mrs. Applebite,with a laudable spirit of economy, converted No. 24,Pleasant-terrace, into a perfect cuisine for a weekpreceding the eventful evening; and old John was kept in a constantstate of excitement by Mrs. Waddledot, who superintended theornamental department of these elaborate preparations.
Agamemnon felt that he was a cipher in the house, for no onecondescended to notice him for three whole days, and it was withextreme difficulty that he could procure the means of“recruiting exhausted nature” at those particular hourswhich had hitherto been devoted to the necessary operation.
On the morning of the 12th, Agamemnon was anxiously engaged inendeavouring to acquire a knowledge of the last alterations in thefigure of La Pastorale, when he fancied he heard anunusual commotion in the lower apartments of his establishment. Ina few moments his name was vociferously pronounced by Mrs.Applebite, and the affrighted Collumpsion rushed down stairs,expecting to find himself another Thyestes, whose children, it isrecorded, were made into a pie for his own consumption.
On entering the kitchen he perceived the cause of the uproar,although he could see nothing else, for the dense suffocatingvapour with which the room was filled.
“Oh dear!” said Mrs. Applebite, “thechimney’s on fire; one pound of freshbutter—”
“And two pound o’lard’s done it!”exclaimed Susan.
“What’s to be done?” inquired Collumpsion.
“Send for my brother, sir,” said Betty.
“Where does he live?” cried old John.
“On No. 746,” replied Betty.
“Where’s that?” cried the whole assembledparty.
“I don’t know, but it’s a hackney-coach as hedrives,” said Betty.
A general chorus of “Pshaw!” greeted this veryunsatisfactory rejoinder. Another rush of smoke into the kitchenrendered some more active measures necessary, and, after a shortdiscussion, it was decided that John and Betty should proceed tothe roof of the house with two pailsful of water, whilst Agamemnonremained below to watch the effects of the measure. When John andBetty arrived at the chimney-pots, the pother was so confusing,that they were undecided which was the rebellious flue! but, inorder to render assurance doubly sure, they each selected the onethey conceived to be the delinquent,