Punch, or the London Charivari
Volume 98, April 26th 1890
edited by Sir Francis Burnand
MR. PUNCH'S MORAL MUSIC-HALL DRAMAS.
(CONTINUED FROM P. 145.)
No. IX.—UNDER THE HARROW.
A Conventional Comedy-Melodrama, in Two Acts.
ACT. II.—Scene—Same as in Act I.; viz., the Morning-room atNatterjack Hall. Evening of same day. Enter Blethers.
Blethers. Another of Sir Poshbury's birthdays almost gone—andmy secret still untold! (Dodders.) I can't keep it up much longer... Ha, here comes his Lordship—he does look mortal bad, that hedo! Miss Verbena ain't treated him too well, from all I can hear,poor young feller!
Enter Lord Bleshugh.
Lord Bleshugh. Blethers, by the memory of the innumerablehalf-crowns that have passed between us, be my friend now! Ihave no others left. Persuade your young Mistress to come hither—youneed not tell her I am here, you understand. Be discreet, andthis florin shall be yours!
Blethers. Leave it to me, my Lord. I'd tell a lie for less thanthat, any day, old as I am!
Lord Bl. I cannot rest till I have heard from her own lips thatthe past few hours have been nothing but a horrible dream ...She is coming! Now for the truth!
[Enter Verbena.
Verbena. Papa, did you want me? (RecognisesLord B.—controls herself to a cold formality.)My Lord, to what do I owe this—thisunexpected intrusion?
[Pants violently.
Lord Bl. Verbena, tell me, you cannot reallyprefer that seedy snob in the burst boots to me?
Verb. (aside). How can I tell him the truthwithout betraying dear Papa? No, I must lie,though it kills me. (To Lord B.) Lord Bleshugh,I have been trifling with you. I—I neverloved you.
Lord B. I see, and all the while your heartwas given to a howling cad?
Verb. And if it was, who can account for thevagaries of a girlish fancy! We women arecapricious beings, you know. (With hystericalgaiety.) But you are unjust to Mr. Spiker—hehas not yet howled in my presence—(aside)—thoughI very nearly did in his!
Lord B. And you really love him?
Verb. I—I love him. (Aside.) My heart willbreak!
Lord B. Then I have no more to say. Farewell,Verbena! Be as happy as the knowledge that you havewrecked one of the brightest careers, and soured one of the sweetestnatures in the county, will permit. (Goes up stage, and returns.)A few days since you presented me with a cloth pen-wiper, in theshape of a dog of unknown breed. If you will kindly wait herefor half-an-hour, I shall have much pleasure in returning a mementowhich I have no longer the right to retain, and there are severallittle things I gave you which I can take back with me at the sametime, if you will have them put up in readiness.
Verbena. Oh, he is cruel, cruel! but I shall keep the little boneyard-measure, and the diamond pig—they are all I have to remindme of him!
[Enter Spiker, slightly intoxicated.
Spiker (throwing himself on sofa without seeing Verb.) I don'know how